So we finished part two of the home study this week. We are just waiting on the county background check and the state abuse registry paperwork to come back. We still need a couple of letters of reference to be returned and then we are on our way to getting the stamp of approval. We have completed the portfolio and it looks great. It truly shows who we are and why we want a child and we have to offer that child. This weekend we are going to complete the letter to the birth mother. This has been a struggle to put together but I think we are finally there and now we are ready to hand write it out, by doing this it will be more personal than typing it.
We have purchased a couple books to read about adoption. The one that has been great to read is Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul. This book is amazing and extremely inspirational. Things are a little stressful right now with Jeremy's business in the high season, trying to figure out finances for the adoption and get the homestudy done and this book boosts our spirits. Some of the stories are so powerful and we can relate to many of the couples. Positive Energy is a powerful thing!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Homestudy Part 1 Complete
The first part of the home study is now complete. The social worker came to our home on Thursday afternoon, she looked at the house and yard area, after this brief inspection we started with the questions. The "inspection" was much more laid back then I had anticipated. She didn't look in any closets or even look for the fire extinguisher that I purchased just hours before. She complimented us on how nice our home was and that was it.
The questions.....We discussed our decision to adopt, how we arrived at it, how are families responded and much more. We then moved on to questions that Jeremy answered about his childhood and family and then I did the same about mine. We discussed everything from school, hobbies, discipline and more. The last section of the questions that we answered were about our relationship and marriage. How we met, what we argue about, how we resolve these arguments, etc. Our social worker said that at the end of those questions that it was a good place to stop for the day. We go to her office on Tuesday to finish up the questions. Tuesday we will discuss how we want to raise our child. After Tuesday we will be done with the questions, background checks, etc. The last thing that we will be waiting on in order for the home study process to be finalized is our reference letters from friends and family. After all of those are received, a total of 6 pending, we will be approved and on the waiting list.
Over the next couple of days we have to complete the birth mother letter and hand write it out. I have looked everywhere for nice stationary to write it on and haven't been able to find any. This is the letter that birth mother will be given to review with our portfolio. It has been challenging to write since we want to mother to know that we appreciate what she is doing and also get a feeling for who we are so she picks us.
Please continue to send your positive thoughts, we are now one step closer.
The questions.....We discussed our decision to adopt, how we arrived at it, how are families responded and much more. We then moved on to questions that Jeremy answered about his childhood and family and then I did the same about mine. We discussed everything from school, hobbies, discipline and more. The last section of the questions that we answered were about our relationship and marriage. How we met, what we argue about, how we resolve these arguments, etc. Our social worker said that at the end of those questions that it was a good place to stop for the day. We go to her office on Tuesday to finish up the questions. Tuesday we will discuss how we want to raise our child. After Tuesday we will be done with the questions, background checks, etc. The last thing that we will be waiting on in order for the home study process to be finalized is our reference letters from friends and family. After all of those are received, a total of 6 pending, we will be approved and on the waiting list.
Over the next couple of days we have to complete the birth mother letter and hand write it out. I have looked everywhere for nice stationary to write it on and haven't been able to find any. This is the letter that birth mother will be given to review with our portfolio. It has been challenging to write since we want to mother to know that we appreciate what she is doing and also get a feeling for who we are so she picks us.
Please continue to send your positive thoughts, we are now one step closer.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the home study....just finished sweeping, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, and much more. The house looks great and I think it is very safe home and will be a great place for a child. We have reviewed the questions that are going to be asked and we are ready to go. For tonight we are going to relax and be ready for tomorrow.
Our plan is to answer everything with honesty and openness and allow everything to fall into place. I will post an update this weekend after this step is behind us. Please continue to send positive thoughts our way. Thank you!
Our plan is to answer everything with honesty and openness and allow everything to fall into place. I will post an update this weekend after this step is behind us. Please continue to send positive thoughts our way. Thank you!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Homestudy
The home study is on Thursday. Some people might be wondering about what exactly is entailed in the home study, well I only know what I have been told and what I have learned until Thursday comes. The social worker will come into our home and look around first. She is looking to make sure the house is safe and is a good environment for a child. She will spend about 3 hours here talking to Jeremy and I about a number of things that have to do with our childhoods, marriage, and how we want to raise our child. We have three and half pages of different questions that she will discuss with us, in addition to the 55 questions that Jeremy and I have already answered separately.
This process is nerve racking. I feel like we are under a close review and anything we say will be analyzed and permanent. Jeremy and I are very clear on how we want to raise our child and how feel about each other but this is still a very big thing to take part in. Everyone else can just have a child, take him or her home with no input from anyone else. The "objective Emily" knows that there is a very good reason for all of the background checks, physicals, and question, but......the "emotional Emily" that wants more than anything to have a child can't believe that there are this many steps and evaluation when everyone else just has a child. We are finding our way to balance of these feelings, not always easy but it is being done.
After Thursday I will post how it goes and if it is as stressful as I am preparing myself for. Until then deep breaths and happy thoughts is what will get us to Thursday.
This process is nerve racking. I feel like we are under a close review and anything we say will be analyzed and permanent. Jeremy and I are very clear on how we want to raise our child and how feel about each other but this is still a very big thing to take part in. Everyone else can just have a child, take him or her home with no input from anyone else. The "objective Emily" knows that there is a very good reason for all of the background checks, physicals, and question, but......the "emotional Emily" that wants more than anything to have a child can't believe that there are this many steps and evaluation when everyone else just has a child. We are finding our way to balance of these feelings, not always easy but it is being done.
After Thursday I will post how it goes and if it is as stressful as I am preparing myself for. Until then deep breaths and happy thoughts is what will get us to Thursday.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
The feelings that are flowing as we approach these steps and come up with our game plan are overwhelming at times. Excitement is a big piece of how we are feeling but nerves and stress are also near the top of that list. Trying to stay positive and excited is important as we face these challenges and start moving through the steps. We are lucky to have family that is supporting us during this time. Our family in Maine will be going to a yard sale in June to sell stuff that is from their houses and donated items. The proceeds of the sale will be given towards the fund that will make it possible to bring our child home. There are a couple adoption grants that we qualify for and will be applying for when the home study is complete. Hopefully we will find some support through that process. We have also created a DONATE button on this page. If you feel comfortable donating through this or other ways any support would be greatly appreciated. It is so hard to accept that when you want a child so bad that finances could hinder that dream from coming true.
Announcing we are adopting has been an interesting piece of this journey. Everyone has been supportive of our decision but some very surprised. Friends and family that didn't know we were having trouble conceiving were more shocked about the decision and had to take a little time to process what it all meant. Our families have not had anyone adopt so this is a new experience for many people. Education is the best way to address any feelings that people might be having. Not many people have an understanding of this process therefore they are not sure of how to support us. We need a lot of positive thoughts and prayers right now to get us through.
Thank you to everyone who is sending positive energy our way!
Announcing we are adopting has been an interesting piece of this journey. Everyone has been supportive of our decision but some very surprised. Friends and family that didn't know we were having trouble conceiving were more shocked about the decision and had to take a little time to process what it all meant. Our families have not had anyone adopt so this is a new experience for many people. Education is the best way to address any feelings that people might be having. Not many people have an understanding of this process therefore they are not sure of how to support us. We need a lot of positive thoughts and prayers right now to get us through.
Thank you to everyone who is sending positive energy our way!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Our Adoption Process So Far.....
Many people have little knowledge of the actual adoption process and what it entails. Now I am no expert that is for sure but I have learned a lot over the last several months and would like to share some about the process and the cost of that process.
The first thing that we had to do was decide what type of adoption was right for us. Option 1, adopt from the foster care system, option 2, adopt internationally, option 3, adopt domestically. We have decided to adopt domestically because it is the right fit for us. We had the desire to adopt a newborn which is difficult to do through foster care or international adoption from what we learned. There are plenty of birthparents that are wanting to place their children for adoption right here in the United States. So we got through Step 1, domestic adoption it is!
Step 2 we had to decide what agency and/or lawyer we were going to use. After much research, reading, meetings, and phone calls we picked our agency. We are working with a non-profit agency, Children's Home Society.
The application......I knew there would be a lot of stuff but was not prepared for quite as much as it was. It took us about 2 weeks to complete everything and on May 10th we submitted it to the agency social worker with our $400 application fee. At the same time we reviewed the fee schedule. I am going to share this part because I think it is important for people to have an understanding of how expense adoption is.
$400 Application Fee.........COMPLETE
$1,800 Home Study Fee......SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK
$4,300 Match Fee.................???????
$4,300 Placement Fee..........???????
$4,300 Post Placement Fee..??????
$15,100 GRAND TOTAL before lawyer finalization fee
We are almost to the part of the process where the waiting begins. Our homestudy is scheduled for next Thursday and will be completed in about 30-60 days. So far we have been asked to answer questions about our childhood, marriage, views on child rearing, education and much more. We are being evaluated under a microscope to make sure that the right child gets placed with us.
The above is all the objective steps to the process and where we are at. The emotions involved have been overwhelming at times and we are only at the beginning. Right now the home study visit is nerve racking and the financial side of things as well. How are we going to afford to complete the adoption process? We are not wealthy people that can spend thousands and thousands of dollars and not feel the pressure. Our society is one that takes advantage of other people's misfortunes. Because we cannot have a baby naturally we are going to have a financial and emotional burden that others do not. From the medical bills to the adoption bills someone is making money off of our situation. Coping with that can be challenging at times. We know that no matter how much money we spend or how much time it takes it will be worth it in the long run.
For now.....small steps to the big prize.
The first thing that we had to do was decide what type of adoption was right for us. Option 1, adopt from the foster care system, option 2, adopt internationally, option 3, adopt domestically. We have decided to adopt domestically because it is the right fit for us. We had the desire to adopt a newborn which is difficult to do through foster care or international adoption from what we learned. There are plenty of birthparents that are wanting to place their children for adoption right here in the United States. So we got through Step 1, domestic adoption it is!
Step 2 we had to decide what agency and/or lawyer we were going to use. After much research, reading, meetings, and phone calls we picked our agency. We are working with a non-profit agency, Children's Home Society.
The application......I knew there would be a lot of stuff but was not prepared for quite as much as it was. It took us about 2 weeks to complete everything and on May 10th we submitted it to the agency social worker with our $400 application fee. At the same time we reviewed the fee schedule. I am going to share this part because I think it is important for people to have an understanding of how expense adoption is.
$400 Application Fee.........COMPLETE
$1,800 Home Study Fee......SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK
$4,300 Match Fee.................???????
$4,300 Placement Fee..........???????
$4,300 Post Placement Fee..??????
$15,100 GRAND TOTAL before lawyer finalization fee
We are almost to the part of the process where the waiting begins. Our homestudy is scheduled for next Thursday and will be completed in about 30-60 days. So far we have been asked to answer questions about our childhood, marriage, views on child rearing, education and much more. We are being evaluated under a microscope to make sure that the right child gets placed with us.
The above is all the objective steps to the process and where we are at. The emotions involved have been overwhelming at times and we are only at the beginning. Right now the home study visit is nerve racking and the financial side of things as well. How are we going to afford to complete the adoption process? We are not wealthy people that can spend thousands and thousands of dollars and not feel the pressure. Our society is one that takes advantage of other people's misfortunes. Because we cannot have a baby naturally we are going to have a financial and emotional burden that others do not. From the medical bills to the adoption bills someone is making money off of our situation. Coping with that can be challenging at times. We know that no matter how much money we spend or how much time it takes it will be worth it in the long run.
For now.....small steps to the big prize.
Beginning our blog
I have decided to start a blog about our journey that we have recently begun surrounding starting our family. The blog idea came from my sister and I think it is a great one. I am hoping that with the blog I will have an outlet to share the journey, both challenges and rewards that come. I also hope that some of our family, friends and others will learn about the process and what people experience that choose adoption.
I am going to start with a brief introduction about Jeremy and I and how we got here. We dated senior year in high school, at the end of the year we went our separate ways. After four years of little to no contact with each other we met up for dinner. The connection was instant, one year later we were engaged, a year and half later we were married and we are now getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary next month. Several months ago we decided we were ready to start a family. Well, that didn't go quite as planned. After a little disappoint we decided on Adoption. Since this decision has been made we have been filled with excitement, nerves, happiness, and fear. Adoption is something that we know is the right decision for us and our future family. We have never once doubted that this is the path we should be on. Although we have faced challenges recently we both know that true love is hard to find and what we have is precious.
This journey is one that will have the greatest gift of all at the end of it, our child.
I am going to start with a brief introduction about Jeremy and I and how we got here. We dated senior year in high school, at the end of the year we went our separate ways. After four years of little to no contact with each other we met up for dinner. The connection was instant, one year later we were engaged, a year and half later we were married and we are now getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary next month. Several months ago we decided we were ready to start a family. Well, that didn't go quite as planned. After a little disappoint we decided on Adoption. Since this decision has been made we have been filled with excitement, nerves, happiness, and fear. Adoption is something that we know is the right decision for us and our future family. We have never once doubted that this is the path we should be on. Although we have faced challenges recently we both know that true love is hard to find and what we have is precious.
This journey is one that will have the greatest gift of all at the end of it, our child.
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