So this week has been very eventful for us and I wanted to take a moment and share it with everyone that follows our story. Before I start let me just let you know we do not have a baby so don't get too excited, but we had an "almost" baby.
Monday morning we received an email from our social worker that there was a healthy baby boy born in south Florida and she needed to know if we wanted her to send our profile for review, she needed to know immediately. She needed to know if we could get to Ft. Meyers by Wednesday if we were picked and wanted us to review the medical history that we had for the birth mother and father. I immediately started, crying, and felt sick, I called Jeremy who of course was in a meeting and couldn't answer. After about 10 phone calls and about 10 text messages he called me back. We decided to send the profile even though we were both very nervous, excited, and a little scared to think that we could be parents in 24 hours. The social worker sent the information and told us we would know something on Tuesday. So I came home and frantically tried to prepare a little because I don't think we ever really prepared for this possible situation. Early Tuesday morning we were notified that the birth mother did not choose us. We both felt like we lost something, someone that we never really had.
We thought that we were fairly prepared for different situations that would come up but this was not one that we were truly ready for. We always knew it was a possibility to be matched with a baby that was already born but never really thought too much about that scenario, maybe because we always thought it would be perfect if we had at least two weeks to prepare. Well, when we thought we were going to have to rush to Ft. Meyers I quickly realized we didn't have a diaper bag, formula, hats, washed blankets, and much more.
Last night we sat together and processed why this had all happened.........well Adoption and the process of adoption is a roller coaster and is filled with challenges that we must face. So even though this baby boy wasn't meant for us we learned a lot about the emotions involved and how we would handle a situation like this. To be honest we didn't handle it quite as put together as I would have thought. I was physically sick, excited, nervous, excited, and scared I allowed myself to think that maybe it was meant to be. But you know what, I wouldn't want it any other way because we have to be excited at these possibilities because one of these calls will be OUR baby. Of course we could try to guard ourselves to limit the hurt but then we may not have the complete and overwhelming excitement when we do get OUR call and everything falls perfectly into place.
We are feeling much better now because we know and truly believe that this happened for a reason. We were meant to have this "trial run" to help us understand the process a little more and know what we are in store for. I hope that this is the only "false alarm" that we ever have but if it isn't we know that it is for a reason. Finding that reason may be difficult at times but we will find it.
Laying in bed last night after the exhaustion of all the emotion took over I was so thankful for my husband and the strength of our relationship. We have great support from family and friends and I know that Baby Durgan will feel that love just like we do.
So that is our news and this part of our story. Thank you for following us still.
