Slow time of year....What?

Hi Everyone. So I checked in with our social worker last week and she said things are going well there has been no negative feedback we just have to be patient. I truly hope there wouldn't be negative feedback we are an attractive, educated, successful, strong couple that will be great parents. I know I am a little bias but I really think that is true. She also said that we have entered the "slow" time of year for adoption. I didn't even know there was a slow time of year for adoption. Maybe the birth mothers feel more connected to the pregnancy around the holidays, I am not really sure. With her telling us this Jeremy and I have decided to TRY not to obsess for the rest of the year. We are going to still hope a match is made before the end of the year but if it isn't, thats okay. We are going to enjoy the holidays and our time together. Its hard to not think about it all the time because it is ALWAYS in the back of our minds but we are going to really and try to just have fun. We have family coming to spend Thanksgiving with us and we are just going to live in the moment, this moment that we have. Our family will be complete, just a question of when. Thank you again to everyone, we love and appreciate you!

Starting to fall into place

So yesterday was my birthday and I did secretly hope that the universe would align and we would get the call that we have been waiting for....that call didn't come, but I was reminded how amazing my husband is. Since we first made the decision to adopt one thing has been causing us to hesitate and has caused us distress....MONEY. As I have discussed in this blog adoption is not cheap. With the help of our family and friends we raised the first installment of $4,300 towards to adoption. For my birthday my amazing husband gave me a card, and it said that we no longer have to worry about the cost of the adoption because it is all in the bank. Jeremy has worked every weekend this summer, over time, extra accounts, side jobs and much more, he has been saving, saving, saving without me really knowing. Well he did it! He always promised that he would make it happen and I know that we both had concerns that it wasn't possible,but it WAS. With the hard work of Jeremy, his love for me, and his desire to be a dad he MADE it happen. We can now take the call from the social worker and not have $8,600 looming over our head and our excitement.

Thank you to everyone for your support and donations during this time. Now all we need is kind words, warm thoughts and prayers. I know that the call will come and our child will be in our arms at some point, for now we are just trying to enjoy our time together and wait for everything to fall into place. Thank you again and continue you checking in because soon we will have the post that we have all been waiting for.

Update

I wanted to check in with everyone. Things are going pretty well here. I had a yard sale this weekend and raised $250. We officially have raised and saved 2 installments, we only have one more of $4,300 to get in the bank. I say only like it isn't a lot of money, we know how much money that it is but we are doing good and the support of our family and friends has really helped. By having the first two installments ready we can take a call from the social worker and not be overly concerned about not being able to come up with the remaining money. Once we get that last installment we can start working on saving our money to have a good safety net financially when the baby is actually here....we hear babies are expensive, lol. We can't wait for those expenses and excitements.

The glider is all set up in the nursery and I find it relaxing to go sit in there and just think about what we have been through. Things are hard but we really are excited and in a good place. Thank you again to everyone for your amazing support. Please keep thinking good thoughts and helping us through.

Adoption Rollercoaster

So this week has been very eventful for us and I wanted to take a moment and share it with everyone that follows our story. Before I start let me just let you know we do not have a baby so don't get too excited, but we had an "almost" baby.

Monday morning we received an email from our social worker that there was a healthy baby boy born in south Florida and she needed to know if we wanted her to send our profile for review, she needed to know immediately. She needed to know if we could get to Ft. Meyers by Wednesday if we were picked and wanted us to review the medical history that we had for the birth mother and father. I immediately started, crying, and felt sick, I called Jeremy who of course was in a meeting and couldn't answer. After about 10 phone calls and about 10 text messages he called me back. We decided to send the profile even though we were both very nervous, excited, and a little scared to think that we could be parents in 24 hours. The social worker sent the information and told us we would know something on Tuesday. So I came home and frantically tried to prepare a little because I don't think we ever really prepared for this possible situation. Early Tuesday morning we were notified that the birth mother did not choose us. We both felt like we lost something, someone that we never really had.

We thought that we were fairly prepared for different situations that would come up but this was not one that we were truly ready for. We always knew it was a possibility to be matched with a baby that was already born but never really thought too much about that scenario, maybe because we always thought it would be perfect if we had at least two weeks to prepare. Well, when we thought we were going to have to rush to Ft. Meyers I quickly realized we didn't have a diaper bag, formula, hats, washed blankets, and much more.

Last night we sat together and processed why this had all happened.........well Adoption and the process of adoption is a roller coaster and is filled with challenges that we must face. So even though this baby boy wasn't meant for us we learned a lot about the emotions involved and how we would handle a situation like this. To be honest we didn't handle it quite as put together as I would have thought. I was physically sick, excited, nervous, excited, and scared I allowed myself to think that maybe it was meant to be. But you know what, I wouldn't want it any other way because we have to be excited at these possibilities because one of these calls will be OUR baby. Of course we could try to guard ourselves to limit the hurt but then we may not have the complete and overwhelming excitement when we do get OUR call and everything falls perfectly into place.

We are feeling much better now because we know and truly believe that this happened for a reason. We were meant to have this "trial run" to help us understand the process a little more and know what we are in store for. I hope that this is the only "false alarm" that we ever have but if it isn't we know that it is for a reason. Finding that reason may be difficult at times but we will find it.

Laying in bed last night after the exhaustion of all the emotion took over I was so thankful for my husband and the strength of our relationship. We have great support from family and friends and I know that Baby Durgan will feel that love just like we do.

So that is our news and this part of our story. Thank you for following us still.

Not much to Report

I haven't posted in the last couple of weeks. Things have been a little hectic here. Some weeks are harder than others with such a big thing over our head. We talked to our social worker last week and she said that there have been birth mothers inquiring about us. She said that she doesn't think we are going to have to wait to long. That is a good thing in many ways and a little scary.



I joined an infertility and adoption support group last week and really enjoyed going. It was nice to be around people that are going through the same things as us or have been through it and are now living their happy ending. Jeremy is going to join me next time.


So really there has been no change here on the Adoption front. Hopefully soon we will have something to report. In the meantime I guess we just try to live our every day lives like normal. Not always the easiest thing but we are doing it. We are working on setting up a fundraiser with a local woman that sells "Scentsy" products and adopted both of her children so is willing to help us anyway she can. I will keep everyone posted on the details. We still have about $8,600 to get together but we are a little closer each day and with each donation. If you have any ideas on how to raise money please share.

We are so thankful for everyone that is following the blog and that is supporting us. I will write again soon. Maybe with some news!

Patience

So it is officially clear that I am not the most patient person, however I have promised myself that I will not contact our social work until the end of September. That is two months for me to just try and chill out a little bit. I just want to know about every birth mother that is looking at our profile, I know that is probably not the best thing for us but I am just so curious. I do know that two people have called about our online profile, of course we haven't heard anything else so they probably didn't pick us. It is so frustrating to think that we are just waiting for someone to pick us. How do you "sell" yourself to someone who is picking a family to raise their biological child. I know we will get picked but it is just when and by whom.

Nesting is something that everyone talks about when a woman is pregnant but the strangest thing is that I am feeling it. I have started to do stuff in the nursery, I feel the need to have things in order. The crib and changing table are up and now all the nursery is really missing for furniture is the glider. I have a perfect image of me sitting in that chair rocking our child the first night that they are home. It is an essential piece for me, something I need and the nursery must have. Organization has officially begun, I have started to clean out closets, the pantry and more. I completely understand that I could be in this state of waiting, organizing, and waiting could go on for quite a while, but that is okay. I know it will happen when it is supposed to, just kind of hard to have no idea of when it is all going to come together.

I am focusing on controlling what I can and being patient!

Online Profile

Since we have been back things have been very busy. We got an email from our social worker when we returned stating that she was taking some time off because of a death in her family. She gave me a contact name for someone to deal with while she is out, I have contacted her to make sure that things are in order. I am a little bit controlling and wanted to make sure that everything was in place for this person to see birth mothers in her absence and that she had our portfolio. It is a little nerve racking since this woman has not met us and doesn't know us on the same level that our social worker does. Hopefully she will be back in the office soon. They have posted our profile online and I have put the link in this post. Please check it out and of course pass it on if you know anyone who might know someone who is wanting to place their child for adoption. One of the woman, Angela, who is on the site with us has a video link at the end of her letter, if anyone knows how to do something like this please let us know, we would love to add it to our spot on the site. This online profile is not as detailed as our scrapbook is that the social worker is showing and we would like to add to it.

We have started to prepare the nursery since we have returned home. This preparation gives us some control over the situation and is getting us ready for our baby. As it all starts to come together we will share pictures. We have also been working on our essays for the grants and preparing for a yard sale we are going to have here in the fall. Thank you again for everyone that is following our journey and supporting us.

http://www.decisiontomake.com/WhoIsWaitingToAdopt

Amazing Support

We just returned from our trip up north and we are so thankful for the amount of support that we received. Our family and friends showed us so much love, positive energy, and support that we know now more than ever that we are bringing our child into an amazing environment. We shared the story of our adoption journey thus far with everyone around us and they all embraced it. We had gentle questions, encouraging words, name suggestions and ofcourse baby advice. On top of all of the emotional support we received we also were given very generous donations. We received a total of $1,028 towards the adoption while we were up there. This is gives us an overwhelming feeling that we really will make this happen and will bring our baby home.

Family, friends and love are a powerful thing. This journey has been tough and will continue to have its ups and downs but with the people around us we know that it will work out. Our baby will be blessed to have so many people in their life that love and support them and helped bring them home to us. Adoption is an amazing thing and we have been blessed with this journey and experience and with an amazing support system. We can not say thank you enough to the people that surround and embrace us during this time. I assure you that our child will always feel this love and will know how important they were to all of us before we even knew they were coming to us.

Again thank you so much to everyone around us, we are so thankful for each of you that reads this blog, prays for us, donates, and loves us and our child. We will soon have the greatest gift of all.....Our Family!

APPROVED

We are officially approved to Adopt! I went to the agency and picked up the paperwork and we are on the list. Now we wait for a birth mother to pick us. Ofcourse we are very excited but to be honest we are also a little bit nervous. We could get a call at any time that we have been chosen. We wait and hope that someone looks at our portfolio and reads our letter and decides that we are the parents they have been looking for.

Thank you to everyone for your support and requests for bottles, we appreciate it so much. We are heading to Maine next week to see family and I will post when we get back. Please keep thinking positive thoughts, every ounce of positive energy we can get is appreciated.

Frustrated

So......the week has come and gone and no approval. I emailed our social worker on Thursday morning to see how everything was going and I haven't heard back from her yet. We are not officially on the list until we are approved. We are paying her a lot of money and she has our entire future in her hands you would think that she would email me back. An adoption book that we read said to be open with your social worker about what we need from her. We were at the very beginning, I told her I am a bit of a control freak and wanted to be kept in the loop. I understand she has other cases so if for some reason she didn't get the paper work complete this week that is okay, I just want an email back so I know what is going on. This entire process is very difficult. We are getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary on Tuesday and I never really thought this is what we would be dealing with on that day. The excitement is there but I am a little uneasy right now. We are feeling more stress at this point then excitement, it really is a rollercoaster.

A lot of people have requested baby bottles be sent to them. We greatly appreciate this support. It helps with one part of the stress. I will keep you posted about when we are approved. Hopefully we hear something soon. Thank you again for the support and reading about our journey.

Yesterday

Yesterday I went and saw our social worker and handed in our portfolio and birth mother letter. She said that the paperwork for the home study should be complete next week and then we will be approved and on the list. We are really excited and to be honest a little nervous. We still have a lot of stuff we have to get in order before we get the call that we are matched. Once the call comes we could have as many as four months to prepare and as little as a week or less really. Crazy to think about that but very exciting. We are kicking off a fundraiser, "The Baby Bottle Fundraiser". This is an opportunity for people who want to help out in an easy way. We are going to send baby bottles to people that we know and they will save their change in it. When the bottle is filled they can return it to us and it will go towards the adoption. Each person that returns a bottle will have a page in a book that we will make so the baby always knows how many people contributed to bringing them home. If you would like to contribute and have a bottle sent to you please email me or send me a facebook message. We appreciate any support that we can get, a little bit of change from you can go a long way for us and our future family.

Hopefully next week I will be posting that we are approved. I can't wait for that day, we will truly be one step closer. Thank you again for all the positive thoughts and prayers.

Almost to the waiting part

We are now just waiting for the home study to be approved. I am starting to get excited and a little nervous. I lay in bed at night wondering about what the phone call is going to be like when our social worker calls to tell us that a birthmother has chosen us. What is that birthmother going to be like, what will our first meeting be like. There so many exciting and nerve racking things that are coming in our near future.

In a couple of weeks we are going up north to see family and friends. I am ready for a little time away from here to enjoy time with everyone. This will be a great opportunity for us to all be together and discuss the adoption and any questions that people might have. Questions are normal and understandable, neither of our families have ever gone through this before. Jeremy and I are very open about the prcoess and hope that through our experience we can help more people understand what it is like in our society when you want a child so bad and can't have one the old fashion way. The support of everyone following the blog and sending warm thoughts and prayers our way is priceless. Thank you and please keep reading for more updates. Soon the updates will be less and it will probably transition into how we are feeling during the wait and our preparation for the baby.

Home study part 2

So we finished part two of the home study this week. We are just waiting on the county background check and the state abuse registry paperwork to come back. We still need a couple of letters of reference to be returned and then we are on our way to getting the stamp of approval. We have completed the portfolio and it looks great. It truly shows who we are and why we want a child and we have to offer that child. This weekend we are going to complete the letter to the birth mother. This has been a struggle to put together but I think we are finally there and now we are ready to hand write it out, by doing this it will be more personal than typing it.

We have purchased a couple books to read about adoption. The one that has been great to read is Chicken Soup for the Adopted Soul. This book is amazing and extremely inspirational. Things are a little stressful right now with Jeremy's business in the high season, trying to figure out finances for the adoption and get the homestudy done and this book boosts our spirits. Some of the stories are so powerful and we can relate to many of the couples. Positive Energy is a powerful thing!

Homestudy Part 1 Complete

The first part of the home study is now complete. The social worker came to our home on Thursday afternoon, she looked at the house and yard area, after this brief inspection we started with the questions. The "inspection" was much more laid back then I had anticipated. She didn't look in any closets or even look for the fire extinguisher that I purchased just hours before. She complimented us on how nice our home was and that was it.

The questions.....We discussed our decision to adopt, how we arrived at it, how are families responded and much more. We then moved on to questions that Jeremy answered about his childhood and family and then I did the same about mine. We discussed everything from school, hobbies, discipline and more. The last section of the questions that we answered were about our relationship and marriage. How we met, what we argue about, how we resolve these arguments, etc. Our social worker said that at the end of those questions that it was a good place to stop for the day. We go to her office on Tuesday to finish up the questions. Tuesday we will discuss how we want to raise our child. After Tuesday we will be done with the questions, background checks, etc. The last thing that we will be waiting on in order for the home study process to be finalized is our reference letters from friends and family. After all of those are received, a total of 6 pending, we will be approved and on the waiting list.

Over the next couple of days we have to complete the birth mother letter and hand write it out. I have looked everywhere for nice stationary to write it on and haven't been able to find any. This is the letter that birth mother will be given to review with our portfolio. It has been challenging to write since we want to mother to know that we appreciate what she is doing and also get a feeling for who we are so she picks us.

Please continue to send your positive thoughts, we are now one step closer.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the home study....just finished sweeping, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, and much more. The house looks great and I think it is very safe home and will be a great place for a child. We have reviewed the questions that are going to be asked and we are ready to go. For tonight we are going to relax and be ready for tomorrow.

Our plan is to answer everything with honesty and openness and allow everything to fall into place. I will post an update this weekend after this step is behind us. Please continue to send positive thoughts our way. Thank you!

Homestudy

The home study is on Thursday. Some people might be wondering about what exactly is entailed in the home study, well I only know what I have been told and what I have learned until Thursday comes. The social worker will come into our home and look around first. She is looking to make sure the house is safe and is a good environment for a child. She will spend about 3 hours here talking to Jeremy and I about a number of things that have to do with our childhoods, marriage, and how we want to raise our child. We have three and half pages of different questions that she will discuss with us, in addition to the 55 questions that Jeremy and I have already answered separately.

This process is nerve racking. I feel like we are under a close review and anything we say will be analyzed and permanent. Jeremy and I are very clear on how we want to raise our child and how feel about each other but this is still a very big thing to take part in. Everyone else can just have a child, take him or her home with no input from anyone else. The "objective Emily" knows that there is a very good reason for all of the background checks, physicals, and question, but......the "emotional Emily" that wants more than anything to have a child can't believe that there are this many steps and evaluation when everyone else just has a child. We are finding our way to balance of these feelings, not always easy but it is being done.

After Thursday I will post how it goes and if it is as stressful as I am preparing myself for. Until then deep breaths and happy thoughts is what will get us to Thursday.

The feelings that are flowing as we approach these steps and come up with our game plan are overwhelming at times. Excitement is a big piece of how we are feeling but nerves and stress are also near the top of that list. Trying to stay positive and excited is important as we face these challenges and start moving through the steps. We are lucky to have family that is supporting us during this time. Our family in Maine will be going to a yard sale in June to sell stuff that is from their houses and donated items. The proceeds of the sale will be given towards the fund that will make it possible to bring our child home. There are a couple adoption grants that we qualify for and will be applying for when the home study is complete. Hopefully we will find some support through that process. We have also created a DONATE button on this page. If you feel comfortable donating through this or other ways any support would be greatly appreciated. It is so hard to accept that when you want a child so bad that finances could hinder that dream from coming true.


Announcing we are adopting has been an interesting piece of this journey. Everyone has been supportive of our decision but some very surprised. Friends and family that didn't know we were having trouble conceiving were more shocked about the decision and had to take a little time to process what it all meant. Our families have not had anyone adopt so this is a new experience for many people. Education is the best way to address any feelings that people might be having. Not many people have an understanding of this process therefore they are not sure of how to support us. We need a lot of positive thoughts and prayers right now to get us through.

Thank you to everyone who is sending positive energy our way!

Our Adoption Process So Far.....

Many people have little knowledge of the actual adoption process and what it entails. Now I am no expert that is for sure but I have learned a lot over the last several months and would like to share some about the process and the cost of that process.

The first thing that we had to do was decide what type of adoption was right for us. Option 1, adopt from the foster care system, option 2, adopt internationally, option 3, adopt domestically. We have decided to adopt domestically because it is the right fit for us. We had the desire to adopt a newborn which is difficult to do through foster care or international adoption from what we learned. There are plenty of birthparents that are wanting to place their children for adoption right here in the United States. So we got through Step 1, domestic adoption it is!

Step 2 we had to decide what agency and/or lawyer we were going to use. After much research, reading, meetings, and phone calls we picked our agency. We are working with a non-profit agency, Children's Home Society.

The application......I knew there would be a lot of stuff but was not prepared for quite as much as it was. It took us about 2 weeks to complete everything and on May 10th we submitted it to the agency social worker with our $400 application fee. At the same time we reviewed the fee schedule. I am going to share this part because I think it is important for people to have an understanding of how expense adoption is.

$400 Application Fee.........COMPLETE

$1,800 Home Study Fee......SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK

$4,300 Match Fee.................???????

$4,300 Placement Fee..........???????

$4,300 Post Placement Fee..??????

$15,100 GRAND TOTAL before lawyer finalization fee

We are almost to the part of the process where the waiting begins. Our homestudy is scheduled for next Thursday and will be completed in about 30-60 days. So far we have been asked to answer questions about our childhood, marriage, views on child rearing, education and much more. We are being evaluated under a microscope to make sure that the right child gets placed with us.

The above is all the objective steps to the process and where we are at. The emotions involved have been overwhelming at times and we are only at the beginning. Right now the home study visit is nerve racking and the financial side of things as well. How are we going to afford to complete the adoption process? We are not wealthy people that can spend thousands and thousands of dollars and not feel the pressure. Our society is one that takes advantage of other people's misfortunes. Because we cannot have a baby naturally we are going to have a financial and emotional burden that others do not. From the medical bills to the adoption bills someone is making money off of our situation. Coping with that can be challenging at times. We know that no matter how much money we spend or how much time it takes it will be worth it in the long run.

For now.....small steps to the big prize.

Beginning our blog

I have decided to start a blog about our journey that we have recently begun surrounding starting our family. The blog idea came from my sister and I think it is a great one. I am hoping that with the blog I will have an outlet to share the journey, both challenges and rewards that come. I also hope that some of our family, friends and others will learn about the process and what people experience that choose adoption.

I am going to start with a brief introduction about Jeremy and I and how we got here. We dated senior year in high school, at the end of the year we went our separate ways. After four years of little to no contact with each other we met up for dinner. The connection was instant, one year later we were engaged, a year and half later we were married and we are now getting ready to celebrate our two year anniversary next month. Several months ago we decided we were ready to start a family. Well, that didn't go quite as planned. After a little disappoint we decided on Adoption. Since this decision has been made we have been filled with excitement, nerves, happiness, and fear. Adoption is something that we know is the right decision for us and our future family. We have never once doubted that this is the path we should be on. Although we have faced challenges recently we both know that true love is hard to find and what we have is precious.

This journey is one that will have the greatest gift of all at the end of it, our child.